“Hermes's eyes twinkled. "Martha, may I have the first package, please?"Martha opened her mouth ... and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister-an old-fashioned lunch box thermos with a black plastic top. The sides of the thermos were enameled with red and yellow Ancient Greek scenes-a hero killing a lion; a hero lifting up Cerberus, the three-headed dog."That's Hercules," I said. "But how-""Never question a gift," Hermes chided. "This is a collector's item from Hercules Busts Heads. The first season.""Hercules Busts Heads?""Great show." Hermes sighed. "Back before Hephaestus-TV was all reality programming. Of course, the thermos would be worth much more if I had the whole lunch box-”

“I tell aspiring writers that you have to find what you MUST write. When you find it, you will know, because the subject matter won’t let you go. It’s not enough to write simply because you think it would be neat to be published. You have to be compelled to write. If you’re not, nothing else that you do matters.”

“People don’t just appear on the beach unless they’re demigods or gods or really, really lost pizza delivery guys. (It’s happened—but that’s another story.)”

“They’d seen his deepest secrets. They knew who he was, what he was. But they didn’t seem to care. No … they cared more. They weren’t judging him. They were concerned.”

“And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!”

“If possible, try to avoid pushing each other over the edge, as that would cause me extra paperwork.”

“The thing about plummetting downhill at fifty miles an hour on a snack platter - if you realize it's a bad idea when you're halfway down, it's too late.”

“There was Tyson moving into the Poseidon cabin, giggling to himself every fifteen seconds and saying, "Percy is my brother?" like he'd just won the lottery.Aw, Tyson," I'd say. "It's not that simple.”

“Stop!" he yelled at the others. "Multigrain fighting is not allowed!”

“Lord Bacchus, do you remember me? I helped you with that missing leopard in Sonoma." Bacchus scratched his stubbly chin. "Ah... yes. John Green." "Jason Grace.""Whatever," the god said.”

“Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important.'It was probably important to her.”