“I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.”

“R.I.P. Jerry LewisYou made us laugh in life. Now you have a chance to make God and all of his angels laugh too.Take care and I shall see you in the next life.”

“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”

“I've had great success being a total idiot.”

“I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.”

“I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.”

“I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.”

“Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.”

“I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.”

“People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.”

“I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.”