“I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.”

“There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.”

“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.”

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.”

“It pays to get drunk with the best people.”

“I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.”

“I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.”

“I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.”

“I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.”

“I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.”