“I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.”

“What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.”

“I left home because I was hungry.”

“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”

“If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.”

“Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.”

“His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.”

“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”

“I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.”

“I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.”

“I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.”