“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.”

“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.”

“I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.”

“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”

“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”

“All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.”

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”

“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.”

“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.”

“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”

“Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!”

“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”