“Let us hope...that a kind Providence will put a speedy end to the acts of God under which we have been laboring.”

“Life is a zoo in a jungle.”

“A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.”

“Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.”

“The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.”

“Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.”

“The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.”

“The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.”

“Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.”

“We know the human brain is a device to keep the ears from grating on one another.”

“Gluttony is an emotional escape a sign something is eating us.”