“(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".”

“Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable.”

“My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”

“When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry.”

“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”

“How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.”

“A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”

“It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.”

“I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”

“And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.”

“Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.”