“The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.”

“I have too much money invested in sweaters.”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.”

“I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.”

“I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.”

“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.”

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.”

“When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.”

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”

“I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.”