“The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.”
Billy Connolly“If you give people a chance, they shine.”
Billy Connolly, Billy Connolly's Route 66“I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.”
Billy Connolly“I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”
Billy Connolly“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”
Billy Connolly“Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.”
Billy Connolly“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”
Billy Connolly“The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.”
Billy Connolly“My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.”
Billy Connolly“I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.”
Billy Connolly“When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?”
Billy Connolly