“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”
Jay Leno“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
Jay Leno“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.”
Jay Leno“Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.”
Jay Leno“They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys. It's worked for over 200 years, and Hell, we're not using it anymore.”
Jay Leno“As a politician he does everything to keep out of trouble often by not asking questions. However it does bother him that every time the doorbell rings his maid hides in the dryer.”
Jay Leno“Let me give you an idea how long ago they got married. You know where they met? . . . At a Cubs World Series game.”
Jay Leno