“To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.”

“Remove the comma, replace the comma, remove the comma, replace the comma...”

“Just been poisoned by my gran. Nothing says Christmas better than familicide and anaphylactic shock.”

“This faulty light fitting at the front door with the dangerously flickering bulb looks rather festive. Who says I don't do Christmas?”

“Anyone who says "Trust me" is the last motherfucker you should ever trust.”

“The best writers tend to look the roughest in photos. At least that's the excuse I use for why I look so bad in mine.”

“To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.”

“Jack laughed behind him, a mirthless sound from a man who had been on the wrong end of life's ironies too many times.”

“After a week he was moved to a different wing and into a shared six-by-eight with a grizzled old con called Alf. He had faded tattoos that stained most of the visible skin on his hands, arms and neck a dull blue, sharp eyes and a thick beard that made his mouth look like an axe wound on a bear.”

“Strange how things turn out. Two birds, one stone and all that.' McBlane chuckled at his own impromptu joke. 'But things have worked out for the best and now we all get to work together,' he said, and a smile spread across his face as easy as a politician's lie.”

“Consider and then act, don't react. A worthy opponent will calculate his move to entice a response from you. Make your own play.”