“See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.”

“I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win.”

“See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.”

“I can't help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn't give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it's a goddamned party.”

“... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.”

“You worry too much. Eat some bacon...what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.”

“Who's going to take care of it? You?. . . Son, you came in the house yesterday with sh*t on your hands. Humansh*t. I don't know how that happened, but if someone has shit on their hands, it's an indicator that maybe the whole responsibility thing isn't for them. -Dad”

“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.”